Don't Be Scared, It's Just Online Dating

It surprises me how many people are “freaked out” by online dating.  There still seems to be a stigma around it.

What I wonder is  this: Where exactly do we fantasize that we are going to meet someone that might be a great match for us?  The library?  Can’t talk.  The Supermarket?  Probably not.  A Bar?  Total crap-shoot.

It’s actually far less random to seek people online.  Strange, but true.

Here’s a couple things to keep in mind when you consider dating and are deciding whether or not to give it a shot in the online world.

One, online, you are fishing in a well stocked, personally selected pond.  The number of people on line is vast.  Imagine the library, coffee shop, market, and bar are only populated by single guys in your age range, divorced with kids, or never been married, Catholic/Jewish/Agnostic, and liked your favorite music;  whatever it is that is on your “list.”  So many of the things that we are looking for in a partner are relatively concrete; it just makes sense to narrow the field and spend your time getting to know people who meet some minimum requirements.

Two,  it’s not as much of an ego slamming as you think.  It doesn't have to be. Everyone online is putting themselves out there,  ‘looking for love’  so to speak, and everyone has their own taste.  Yes, some guys won’t like your pictures – so what. Some will!  Yes, sometimes guys will get annoyed with you for not “giving him a shot” even though you said you don’t want kids and he does... whatever. Clearly that person didn’t read your profile or  has a chip on his shoulder.  You can just practice setting your boundaries and getting clear about what you want.

If you truly want to meet someone and make a deep connection, you are going to have to take a little risk.  You may get rejected more often because of the sheer number of possibilities, but you reject more houses when shopping for a new home online because you simply see more of them!!  Aren’t you glad you knew what was out there?

Writing your dating profile is like writing a letter to the Universe about what you really want in a relationship.  You are truly “putting it out there” and for $20/month or less on or other sites, you can learn about yourself, about the opposite sex, and maybe even have a good time!

And yes, you could just meet the love of your life.  I sure did.


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Sophie Venable holds a Master's Degree in Marriage & Family Therapy, is a Certified Professional Coach, Author of MYLF 101: Make Your Life Fabulous and Founder of The Real Deal: Courses in Love & Life for Women.