Flirting 101: 3 Easy Steps

Flirting doesn't have to be super clever or involve a perfect wink.  Flirting is simply the way you let a man know two things:  (One) I'm interested in getting to know you because (two) from what I see so far, I think you're attractive.  Very simple message.  

It's important to let a guy know you're interested because, although they don't want to be chased, they do need some clear, kind encouragement. And in a group setting, you better let him know quickly before drunk girl dances over to his lap and messes up your vibe. (half kidding?) Here's how to keep from getting blocked.

1.  Ask him questions about himself other than work.  

The question "what do you do?" might as well be "how much do you make?"  Ask him what he does for fun and that can lead to 'where's your favorite place to do that' and 'oh I've never been there but hope to' type of conversation.  If you're watching sports somewhere, ask him 'who's your team' and then "why?' Most people have an interesting story behind their particular sports team alliance.  Often, it brings up stories about dads and family.  Even if you hate sports, remember that people find lots of connection and joy around sports.  Think of it as live theatre. Let him tell you why he loves the game or even answer some questions like "what the hell does offsides mean?"  He will enjoy teaching you. 

Most importantly, listen to his answers.  This will calm your nerves to make it about him and not you.  You will also get to see if he asks any questions about your life. He may be so thrilled to be asked something about him though, he will probably talk a lot.  

2.  Compliment him.  

This doesn't have to overtly flirty, sexual.  I mean, I'm sure he would like to hear he has a nice ass, but you really don't need to go there.  Men love compliments just as much as we do about almost anything! Compliment his smile, his voice, his style, or even the fact that he's easy to talk to.  Be sincere.  And if he compliments you back, don't deflect it, just say thank you.

3.  Touch him.

Not like that! It can ever so subtle.  Body language is important. Be sure not to stand with your arms crossed or with both hands on your hips.  It may look cute with your outfit, but these are closed off and condescending stances.  Keep your body toward him, if possible so that you are heart to heart.  

As far as actually touching him, a very simple touch on the arm when your laughing will connect you and let him know you genuinely like him, even if it's just a platonic feeling.  If you start leaning on his chest or touching his legs, you are definitely sending a sensual message that you are interested in more at some point.  If you touch his face, that's a very intimate gesture. You might even surprise yourself with that one and realize you're into this guy! Whenever I see a girl touch a guy's face I say to myself, "oh, it's on!" lol!  It's also good to be aware of this in case you really don't want to send that message!

So that's it! In the same way hiking is actually just walking, flirting is actually just talking.  Everyone wants to feel seen and to feel as if their story matters.  The easiest way to make an impression on a man is to actually listen to him and ask questions.  Be present, with open body language and if he's attracted to you too, you will have no problem getting to know each other.

Worst case, you had an open, genuine interaction with someone. #winwin


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Sophie Venable holds a Master's Degree in Marriage & Family Therapy, is a Certified Professional Coach, Author of MYLF 101: Make Your Life Fabulous and Founder of The Real Deal: Courses in Love & Life for Women.