I Can't Believe She Broke Up With Him!

Here’s why you are entitled to literally zero opinion about anybody’s break up.

If just the fact that a couple is splitting isn’t enough to tell you that they need to split, then you might want to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you think you know what goes on in other people’s hearts and minds better than they do.

If you find yourself saying, “It just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.  They were so happy.” Let me take that burden off of you...

It doesn’t need to make sense to you.   Even if it’s your best friend, sister, or your child, you can’t possibly know about all the facets of someone else’s relationship.  You see them together at social gatherings and hear what they (or more likely just one of them) choose to share with you.  Sometimes people aren’t even aware of their own misery until something wakes them up.

If they get back together, it doesn’t mean you were right either.  They could have needed the space to figure things out, or they are just weren’t ready to face the inevitable.

If you must make sense of it, here’s my best explanation for all break ups:

Relationships are multi-faceted and complicated.  To last joyfully over the long haul, they require authenticity and loyalty, a desire to be loyal and a willingness to expand together.  They also require the mysterious element of chemistry, which is fueled and nurtured by that authenticity and loyalty. 

Just like a garden needs nutrients, water, and proper amounts of sun or shade, if any one of those three ingredients is lacking, the garden is going to eventually peter out  - and it’s no great mystery what went wrong.

So if your favorite couple breaks up, just assume one or more of those things were lacking for at least one of them, and then it will make sense.   Your opinion of whether or not it should have been lacking is no more relevant than your opinion of whether or not the sky should be blue.

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